Jun 082011
 

What I don’t want to see on a resume,

And neither does anyone else.

When an employer opens a resume they expect to see who you are and what you have done straight off.

That is, Where you worked, how long, and what you did for how many. Basta.

What they don’t want to see is what you think of yourself. My dear, your concrete self-esteem is enviable, but that, really, is between  you and your therapist.

My clients and I want something like this or the many other resumes on “easy peasy” page.

Here’s what we get:

Accomplished, results-driven professional chef with demonstrated success assisting food service industry companies and local producers in business development activities.

SUMMARY OF QUALIFICATIONS

  • Excellent communicator capable of developing and nurturing professional business relationships and delivering informed and working solutions.
  • Creative, results-oriented working chef  and manager capable of leading and training staff through change engaging a positive, passionate and proactive approach.
  • Strong customer service background.
  • Stable personality with irreproachable work ethic and integrity.
  • Exceptional financial competence proven in increasing profits annually.
  • Highly organized and clean in work habits.
  • Recipient of Amador County’s Safe Chef aware three years running.
  • Highly creative and visually oriented chef with ability to present striking buffets .
  • Seasoned professional chef with 18 years experience in cooking, training, recipe and menu development.
  • Diverse food industry experience including: schools, private clubs, wholesale and retail food, restaurants, hotel, retirement, education and off site catering as well as private chef jobs..
  • Skills include kitchen and front of house systems and logistics, development, communications, workforce planning, and change management.
  • Fluent in Chinese, Spanish and French.  Excellent bilingual communication (verbal and written) and negotiation skills including problem resolution for small and large scale food industry operations.
  • Complete Kosher Knowledge.
  • Effective Motivational teacher, educator and demonstrator.
  • Terrific communicator and conflict resolver with the ability to address cultural, financial, political and discrimination issues for both employees and administration.
  • Proven ability to work under high stress.
  • Strong analytical skills related to kitchen solutions and system logistics.
  • Innovative, goal-oriented, and creative approach to delivering results.
  • Team player with outstanding communication and problem-solving skills.
  • Responsible for recruiting, hiring and training new staff (FOH & BOH).
  • Proven ability in coaching, training and development of existing and new staff.
  • Certified food manager with strong organizational skills.
  • Experience teaching as a Chef Instructor at several properties.
  • Proven ability to manage multiple projects simultaneously while meeting inflexible deadlines.
  • Exquisite palate and fine sense of taste.
  • Creative problem solver
  • Member of Pittsburg Chamber of Commerce, Director of Victor High School Nutritional Advisory Board, Big Brother and Kids in Kitchens.
  • Popular with guests and subordinates. Able to resolve all dining to kitchen disputes.

Able to stop a speeding freight train. Stops a bullet in his teeth. Flies up to tall buildings in a single bound!

HAVE MERCY!

And be sensible.  Why should you not do this? It does not work.

1)      Nobody reads this nonsense.

2)      Nobody with half a brain is going to believe that your high opinion of yourself is unbiased.

3)      It makes you look full of yourself. If you are from the generation which was given self esteem coaching in California schools, you may be excused for this, but it doesn’t make your presentation any better.

4)      It hides the important content: Where, what, what kind of food, how big, how many, responsibilities and  how long.  Many readers will not bother to read that far or, in this case, look at the second page. Even if  your resume is put aside, what people need to know is not on top and they will not see it first.

6)      I don’t know about you, but having had the misfortune of speaking with too many people who sell themselves too hard, I am very, very reluctant to call this candidate. The resume is supposed to invite, not repulse. It is counterproductive.

I get a lot of these, so I suspect someone, somewhere on the Internet is telling people this is the way to get a job. It is not. You get the best position, which means the best fit, but showing your stuff from the first line of your presentation, not chattering on interminably about  your qualifications.

This candidate actually has a solid resume after his praise of self, and I will bite the bullet and call him, if something comes up, but when I do, I am going to be listening very carefully for an attitude I have to assume. He would be a much more attractive applicant without the bullets.